When Scott and I made the decision to retire abroad it was impossible for us to really grasp the reality of what that was going to actually involve. Oh, we knew that we would have many many decisions to make, financial decisions, logistical decisions, business decisions, just to name a few. We had a pretty good vision, of course, of all the physical labor it was going to take to get the house ready to sell ( we had a pretty accurate vision on that count! ) . Retirement of course would mean I would no longer own my salon, consequently I would either sell it, or close it down (Sigh!) and if I had to close it down then getting rid of all the furniture and equipment would be what I would face down the road. When we decided we wanted to pursue a completely new and different life in an entirely different country we , of course, were aware of what a monumental change it would be for us, in so many countless ways. I think one of the many aspects of making this move that I didn’t fully and realistically anticipate is how our moving would affect those around us and then how that would in turn, affect us. How could we have known just how much our leaving would sadden those who care about us?
While we talked about our plans and dreams and strategized about how we would go about making such a thing happen our thoughts were , of course, very focused on ‘us’ . As time is quickly moving forward and both Scott and myself are getting excited about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s hard for many people in our lives to share our enthusiasm. Almost everyone tells me on a regular basis, “I prefer to stay in denial that you are leaving!” I know everyone wishes us well and wants to see us happy but the fact remains, we are changing their lives too and its just hard for everyone . I find myself vacillating between nervous, excited, scared, happy, sad. Seeing the people around me reacting to my departure with such deep sadness makes me feel so bad. Sigh! There really is no way to prepare for this part of the adventure. The part where , our leaving causes others pain. I’m much more comfortable with pleasing people and making people happy ,I find myself in a very uncomfortable situation at the moment,which is conflicting with my feelings of excitement and anticipation. I don’t believe there is any way to change how people are feeling or prevent them from feeling so sad , but I do find myself wishing that there was. On the flip side of it, It’s a very touching feeling to realize how much of an impact we have on those around us. I do feel very loved.
I wonder if those of you who have already traveled this path have any advice for me on this part of the journey? I am constantly reminding those around us that we are only a plane ride away and that we have many ways to stay connected but it seems as though it’s little consolation. It’s a loss for those who care about us and they will all handle that loss in different ways but in the end I have to believe that everyone will adjust to having us in their lives in a much different capacity. We will never stop being a part of their lives, our part will just be much different. Yes, I think in this case, as in many cases in life it is true that “Time Will Heal”.
This experience is a vivid reminder to me about just how much we are all connected and what a tremendous affect we all have on one another . Ive been on the other end of this type of experience in the past when people I’ve been close to have made life changing decisions that would change or affect my life. This is just all part of being alive and being lucky enough to build relationships with people in our lives. One thing I am taking away from this experience is , the degree of interconnectedness we have with so many people in our lives is something that is difficult to really thoroughly appreciate until it’s changed. Sometimes we have control over the change and many times it feels as though change is an affliction that hurts deeply . But the good news is that no matter how corny it sounds its true that as time goes by and we adapt and adjust to what life has thrown in our path, our heart heals and it’s not so bad. Change is never easy , especially change that we haven’t chosen ourselves. The only way I can think of avoiding the heartache that comes with the move of a loved one is to not let yourself care so much for the people around you. Hmmmmm? Well, I don’t think that’s gonna work , so as the saying goes, “Let’s Take The Good With The Bad” . The way I see it , the “Bad” fades with time and The “Good” gets even “Gooder!” ( Don’t worry, I know “Gooder” isn’t a word, but I’m goin’ with it!)
The hard part of this Adventure is definitely beginning to hit me in the face. Seeing those around me feeling sad about not having us around is something that is unavoidable and even though I know everyone will adapt it’s just hard. Maybe staying in denial for now is not such a bad thing? Hmmmmm?