The Hard Part Of This Adventure Is Hitting Us

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When Scott and I made the decision to retire abroad it was impossible for us to really grasp the reality of what that was going to actually involve. Oh, we knew that we would have many many decisions to make, financial decisions, logistical decisions, business decisions, just to name a few. We had a pretty good vision, of course, of all the physical labor it was going to take to get the house ready to sell ( we had a pretty accurate vision on that count! ) . Retirement of course would mean I would no longer own my salon, consequently I would either sell it, or close it down (Sigh!) and if I had to close it down then getting rid of all the furniture and equipment would be what I would face down the road. When we decided we wanted to pursue a completely new and different life in an entirely different country we , of course, were aware of what a monumental change it would be for us, in so many countless ways. I think one of the many aspects of making this move that I didn’t fully and realistically anticipate is how our moving would affect those around us and then how that would in turn, affect us. How could we have known just how much our leaving would sadden those who care about us?

While we talked about our plans and dreams and strategized about how we would go about making such a thing happen our thoughts were , of course, very focused on ‘us’ . As time is quickly moving forward and both Scott and myself are getting excited about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s hard for many people in our lives to share our enthusiasm. Almost everyone tells me on a regular basis, “I prefer to stay in denial that you are leaving!” I know everyone wishes us well and wants to see us happy but the fact remains, we are changing their lives too and its just hard for everyone . I find myself vacillating between nervous, excited, scared, happy, sad. Seeing the people around me reacting to my departure with such deep sadness makes me feel so bad. Sigh! There really is no way to prepare for this part of the adventure. The part where , our leaving causes others pain. I’m much more comfortable with pleasing people and making people happy ,I find myself in a very uncomfortable situation at the moment,which is conflicting with my feelings of excitement and anticipation. I don’t believe there is any way to change how people are feeling or prevent them from feeling so sad , but I do find myself wishing that there was. On the flip side of it, It’s a very touching feeling to realize how much of an impact we have on those around us. I do feel very loved.

I wonder if those of you who have already traveled this path have any advice for me on this part of the journey? I am constantly reminding those around us that we are only a plane ride away and that we have many ways to stay connected but it seems as though it’s little consolation. It’s a loss for those who care about us and they will all handle that loss in different ways but in the end I have to believe that everyone will adjust to having us in their lives in a much different capacity. We will never stop being a part of their lives, our part will just be much different. Yes, I think in this case, as in many cases in life it is true that “Time Will Heal”.

This experience is a vivid reminder to me about just how much we are all connected and what a tremendous affect we all have on one another . Ive been on the other end of this type of experience in the past when people I’ve been close to have made life changing decisions that would change or affect my life. This is just all part of being alive and being lucky enough to build relationships with people in our lives. One thing I am taking away from this experience is , the degree of interconnectedness we have with so many people in our lives is something that is difficult to really thoroughly appreciate until it’s changed. Sometimes we have control over the change and many times it feels as though change is an affliction that hurts deeply . But the good news is that no matter how corny it sounds its true that as time goes by and we adapt and adjust to what life has thrown in our path, our heart heals and it’s not so bad. Change is never easy , especially change that we haven’t chosen ourselves. The only way I can think of avoiding the heartache that comes with the move of a loved one is to not let yourself care so much for the people around you. Hmmmmm? Well, I don’t think that’s gonna work , so as the saying goes, “Let’s Take The Good With The Bad” . The way I see it , the “Bad” fades with time and The “Good” gets even “Gooder!” ( Don’t worry, I know “Gooder” isn’t a word, but I’m goin’ with it!)

The hard part of this Adventure is definitely beginning to hit me in the face. Seeing those around me feeling sad about not having us around is something that is unavoidable and even though I know everyone will adapt it’s just hard. Maybe staying in denial for now is not such a bad thing? Hmmmmm?

About hollycarter184

Life is Good! But it's time for a change, and more adventure! I'd like to share the whole experience of preparing then actually making a reality of expatriating, and moving to a new country. It's an exciting, and slightly scary move full of possibility . I'm looking forward to learning a new language and making new connections with the people who share our spirit of adventure. This blog is my way of continuing my connection with my friends and family in the States. Sooooo here it goes! :)

10 responses »

  1. Having moved many times in my life I am always amazed how easily my friends and I seem to bypass the time we are apart and continue as though we where never apart. My main concern is the effect on you and Scott of leaving all you know. I suggest you look at and attempt to lessen stress, I want you both to stay well. Not much you can do about departure but when you arrive lay back and relax before jumping in and planning future. Rent for a while and live simple. Do not attempt to arrange rest of life in the first 12 months, take a break.

    • Elaine, Once again, your gift of knowledge is gratefully received by me. You always have such wise, helpful, encouraging things to say and I feel to lucky to receive such precious words from you. We will be mindful of our health and be sure to have an ample amount of kicking back when we are on the other side of this move. To be sure we will open a few bottles of wine and toast to our success! Cheers to you my friend! Hugs! & Kisses’s!

  2. I am so happy for you for your adventure but so sad for me that I no longer get to enjoy your smile, laugh, and amazing outlook on life. I know you will make it a wonderful adventure……

    • Shelly, Thank you for such kind words! Im so glad to have you as a friend, Im just sorry we didn’t have more time to spend together! I’m grateful for the time we did have in the salon beautifying you! Your a gem, for sure! Cheers!

  3. “The only way I can think of avoiding the heartache that comes with the move of a loved one is to not let yourself care so much for the people around you. Hmmmmm? Well, I don’t think that’s gonna work ,” that would be like asking a songbird to start squawking like a seagull! it just won’t work.

    all of us living in the americas, unless we are of native american heritage, have to remember that our ancestors most likely suffered from similar pains of separation. what if no one braved the ocean and settled in the americas? we all have a bit of that wanderlust in our veins; some of us hear the calling and respond. i predict that you’ve been wistful for this life for a very long time.

    living in new places, attempting to master new challenges, new languages, making new friends – all of that forms us into much-stronger people than if we stay in one place. so often we find ourselves existing – going through the motions, but how rewarding is doing the same thing for a lifetime with few new challenges? you’re moving at a time when your brains will benefit as well! challenging circumstances force us to stay mentally alert!

    remember that your circle of friends gets much larger when you move.. i cannot imagine NOT knowing so many of the people who have touched my life, and i would not have met them had i stayed in one place. it’s said that it’s easier to move on than to be left behind. i have always treasured my friends who say, ‘i wish you the best.’ instead of, ‘you can’t move!’… how well i know that ‘pulled apart’ feeling! remember that others cannot decide what’s right for our destiny, and i suspect that your destiny has great plans for you!

    as i struggled with plans to move from costa rica to ecuador, i awakened one night in the middle of a torrential rainstorm. a line from kipling’s ‘if’ was running through my head. “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you and make allowance for their doubting too…’

    with clarity i realized that yes, i did trust myself, and yes, i could make allowance for their doubting too. hey, i probably would not have stumbled upon my new style of painting, and i probably would not have had three museum shows last year – had i stayed in one place! we cannot second guess, but we can rely on our own internal guidance system and trust our choices!

    (i am working on a post right now that will help illustrate, ‘why?’)

    stay true to yourselves, and in time your loved ones will understand.

    love,
    lisa/z

    • Oh Lisa! Your words are more valuable to me than you will ever know! What a gift! I will probably re-read it many times. Thank you seems so trivial compared to the gratitude I feel right now. It’s bloggers like you that constantly make me say, ” I Love Blogging!” I can feel my community growing with each post I publish and with each comment I receive and in turn give to others. Isn’t It Great!! 🙂 Cheers!

  4. What Lisa said is so true. There are so many new friends waiting here in your future. And, with technology today you can stay in touch so easily.

    You have to stay true to yourself and your dreams. Can you imagine changing your mind and staying where you are? Do you think your friends really, honestly want you to do that? (and what kind of friends would these be?)

    Change is hard for everyone, and there are no guarantees of anything. But, who wants to look back on their life with regrets for all the things we wished we had done. By then, I plan to be all worn out because I did too much!

  5. Holly, be sure to use Skype. For $2.99/month you can have unlimited calling to/from the U. S. with a phone number in the area code of your choosing. It is indispensable for calling businesses as well as friends, and you get to see your friends via videophone. That’s how I keep up with my growing grandchildren while we are abroad.

    I knew this stage of your transition was coming, and I know it is hard. It must feel like lots of “goodbyes”. I look forward to your new discovery stories to come. In the meantime, I merely suggest you remain aware of the range of emotions and the stages you are going through. Like I always say to my children, you can always tell when you are growing. Those are the times when it hurts. I believe that holds true as adults, too.

    Buen viaje! – Mike

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