I think I’m going through a bit of a transition in my life at the moment. I just said goodbye to Scott for the day, as he left to go to work at our property. He has a worker now so today’s his first day of being accountable to someone who’s expecting him to be there at a certain time. I’m really glad he’s finally got someone to help him with the physical labor up there but… now I find myself feeling a bit …..Ummmm let’s seee, what word do I want to use? Disconnected? Free? Unfocused? Discombobulated might be the best word….It’s that same ol’ “Now What?” Kind of feeling. For lack of the proper description, I’m not exactly sure what my role is or how I’ll choose to define my purpose right now. Oh, I have a short list of things I need to accomplish today, go to the gym, pay our rent, make some phone calls, bring Scott lunch, clean the kitchen, fill up the hummers food, but I gotta tell you, without a routine I’m just a bit…. lost. It just occurred to me as Scott was driving down the driveway that he’s beginning to have a routine. And I have yet to actually discover what my routine will be, besides going to the gym, which I love. I have a few small goals that are tumbling around my head but I think at the moment I just need to focus on me and I gotta stop getting myself so caught up in feeling guilty about not having a clear, set routine for my days quite yet. In my head I know it’ll come. I’ve spent my whole adult life being so intensely focused, it’s so foreign to me not to have a clear path to follow. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not a crisis or a huge problem. I’m just sharing with you the fact that today I feel as though I’m in the midst of a transition. Since our move Scott and I have been kinda attached at the hip and we’ve been doing most things together. This morning I’m realizing that he’s got a new routine that isn’t mine. Whew! It’s both Freeing and unfamiliar at the same time. Well, I’m off to the Gym now…..I’ll figure this out later….or, maybe I’ll just play Words With Friends! Ha!

About hollycarter184

Life is Good! But it's time for a change, and more adventure! I'd like to share the whole experience of preparing then actually making a reality of expatriating, and moving to a new country. It's an exciting, and slightly scary move full of possibility . I'm looking forward to learning a new language and making new connections with the people who share our spirit of adventure. This blog is my way of continuing my connection with my friends and family in the States. Sooooo here it goes! :)

6 responses »

  1. Happy NewYear Holly!
    Don’t feel lost, I think you’re just feeling like someone who’s just entered their retirement life, no routine yet, spend the time on yourself! Maybe some volunteer work? Haircuts with the profits going to the local animal shelter? Love you and miss you so much. Chris

  2. I know exactly how you are feeling. I’ve been retired just over 6 years now and and some days I feel like I am still adjusting–but please don’t let this discourage you. Everyone is different and I know you will find a plan and routine that will work for you. Hang in there–

  3. Not what I first I noticed in your post, but I must ask this right away before I get to the rest–what I am curious about is this: was the employee timely? lol on Panama time or Scott’s time? You wrote that someone is expecting him (Scott) to be there at a certain time. I have just got to know if he showed? On time? Or possibly mañana?
    On another note, cut yourself some slack, girl! Plenty of time to establish a routine. And watch out, if you show up at the property, you may be stacking cement blocks again 🙂 So you may not want to include taking too many lunches to Scott as part of your new routine (Just kidding!). Soon you may be just too busy for that nonsense! For now, enjoy the lack of busyness. Rest. It’s all good. Don’t worry, be happy. And all that other stuff…..

  4. I know what you mean. We spent our whole lives having to do things. I can’t wrap my head around it sometimes either. But, being support staff for Scott is an important job, as is taking care of yourself (eg the gym) so you will be around a long time to enjoy the house, and the other goals that are taking shape for yourself. It’s just so different it’s no wonder it feels unsettled.

  5. Are you not tempted to learn construction? I’ve spent the past week painting the back house at the zen center — great fun. (But whatever you do, DO NOT start playing Candy Crush — totally addictive!!!)

    PS Just got a PERFECT haircut from Mariah.
    PPS When you coming to CA?

  6. I think you need to take one day at a time…sounds like you’re moving from vacation place to oh…ok…this is my life in a much different (yet much more relaxing?) setting. IDK…I think I’d enjoy building my new house, volunteering, blogging/writing, Spanish lessons, going to the gym, etc. hmmmm…sounds like you do have a routine. Just be careful that ankle. Love you bunches!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s