I feel like I’m running out of things to write about. When I began writing this blog the subject of making a decision to expatriate and to start a whole new life in another country was a very exciting, new and interesting thing to write about. Now that the flurry that was deciding, preparing and then actually making this move to Panama is done, I’m just living my life. It’s nearly ten months that we’ve been settling into this new life here. We’ve accomplished a lot in those ten months, for sure. After landing in Panama, making our way with our two cats to Boquete and then finding a place to live we had a very specific plan and so far we’ve been pretty successful in making our plan a reality. We wanted to create a life here and to build a home. Not just a physical ‘house’ but a ‘Home’. There are certain components to making a place a ‘home’. There is , of course the physical house where you live your day to day life but there’s also all the people that you connect with, and of course finding some sort meaning to your day to day life. For me, I’m still in that process , of finding out what that means for me….”Meaning” Hmmmmm. I’ve shared our process, the ups and the downs. And as of today, we seem to be just sort of ‘living’ our life.
The beginning of our relocation was filled with so many new and unknown things. I had a brief bout of ‘culture shock’ early on and we spent (and still spend) a lot of time and energy learning Spanish. We bought cars, Scott had hernia surgery, we got health insurance and it took a while to just re-establish ourselves with all the mundane things that we adults need to live our lives…things like a bank account, cell phone accounts, car insurance, blah blah blah. All those things that are a part of life. And we’re still trudging through the whole permanent visa process, which has taken much longer than we ever imagined it would take, I may add, not because of anyone but ourselves. All this to say, I feel like I’m beginning to have a hard time coming up with interesting things to write about. I mean, what’s so interesting about my day to day life? Not much, to be honest. I can write plenty of posts about the beauty of this place and the total glee that I feel when I look around. I can write about many, many of the things about living in Central America that are different than living in the U.S., that list is a long one to be sure! I hope I’m not boring you with my status reports on our little construction project. The challenges of employing 6 workers and all the work that goes into that each payday. Our progress with our Spanish language learning….that will never end! It seems to me, my life is just that…..life. Is it really that much different, aside from taking place in a little town in the mountains of Panama?
I could continue to share about all the changes we’ve experienced in our priorities. That is certainly something that’s changed greatly for us. Given the fact that we’ve scaled down on our living expenses and our material possessions, how much money we made each week is thankfully, not on the forefront of our minds. Do we have enough money this month for the mortgage, and how will we ever save enough money for taxes during the holidays? Then, digging out of the debts from all that extra spending…Yikes! The stress and anxiety I used to feel because of the necessity to make enough money is gone…thankfully. We have greatly reduced our monthly expenses and gotten our life into a much less cluttered and money driven state. Our monthly expenses are not on the top of my mind every single day. I don’t’ wake up counting in my head how much money I will make that day. This alone has lightened my load and I still can’t believe how much happiness I have found in just removing that worry from my life. Of course we had to sell everything and remove ourselves from all that was familiar in order to find the peace of mind that we’ve found. Leaving all the people in my life has been the greatest sacrifice of all. Even though I’ve connected with so many truly wonderful new friends here, nothing can immediately replace the relationships with those people who I share a history with. It takes years to develop those connections with friends and there’s something really special about having that shared ‘history’ with people. I find myself going through little spurts of feeling like I ‘need’ to connect in some small way with my friends who really ‘know’ me. When those moments hit me I can spend an entire morning sending text messages or emails or just reading Facebook Posts. Most of the people I try to maintain a connection with text me back or send me an email responding to my desire to continue our connection.
As you can probably tell, from my lack of recent posts, I’m going through a bit of a ‘blogging shift’. Questioning myself about weather or not I’ve got anything very interesting to write about. My ‘new’ life doesn’t feel so ‘new’ to me as a matter of fact it’s beginning to feel just like any ‘ordinary’ life. Not that there isn’t anything interesting to share but when everything was new and felt totally different I was energized and excited to share all that. Oh….I’m just venting to myself. Nothing to worry about, I’m still enjoying writing and I’m just in a transitional period, once again. Finding myself feeling the shift from feeling so much excitement each and everyday with all the newness of my move to finding myself settling into a routine and a very peaceful life. I used to hurry to my iPad every time I had a new experience, ready to share it and write about it. And now that the days are taking on a familiar rhythm It’s not so easy to come up with subjects that seem share-worthy. 🙂 Who really wants to hear about my routine or my rather uneventful days that seem to fly by. One thing I know is, when I first decided to start blogging I felt a new passion for writing . A passion that felt similar to my love of reading. I plan to continue writing and blogging but right now I’m having a bit of a lag in my ideas of what to write and share. I still really love to write, and I want to keep doing it. I think It’s just going to take a bit more of an effort to come up with things to write about.
Ha! Its funny…I just stopped to read back what I’ve written so far and for a gal whose writing about not having anything to write about, I sure have written a lot!! Ha! I crack myself up! This may well be just one more shift in my story. A shift from sharing about a new and exciting adventure to sharing about my life and just documenting , mostly for myself, things that strike me as noteworthy or interesting or simply things I feel like writing about. One things for certain, I’ve found a new passion in writing and I hope to continue to nurture it and see where it goes for me. I think that my chosen subject, Our New Adventure, which is the premise for this blog may be making me feel limited about what to write about. Who knows where I may decide to veer? But I think ‘Veering” is what I may just need to do! As I’m writing about this I’m realizing that I need to give myself permission to get creative and to just write whatever pops into my head and enjoy the process. Yea, that’s just what I need to do…. Okay, thinking cap is on, let’s see where this “Adventure” takes me….Cheers Mi Amigos!