(A side note)
My friend Caroline Chavez has told me that if I keep posting blogs about bugs and critters here, she will never come visit me….So…Caroline, sweetie, this particular post is not one for you, it’s not interesting at all, as a matter of fact , its quite boring…move along my dear… go on…don’t’ you need to make dinner now, or at least have a glass of wine?
Holy crap! The spiders here must be on steroids! Geesh! Why the heck are they so Ginormous??? And the strangest thing is, just lately they seem to be coming up the gosh darn drain in my shower! !@#$ I can’t figure out any other way that they end up crawling around in there. (I have to veer here to tell you about an odd thing that I found when we first moved into this rental house. There are two bathrooms and each of them has a shower. I noticed that inside each shower, placed over the drain in the shower, was a small piece of that green astro-turf type material. The material was cut to generously cover the drain and I wondered why it was there….now I know!) The first two that I spied scurrying around in the shower Scott very kindly and sweetly caught and took outside (anything to shut me up!) . Then another one appeared another day, just as he was leaving for work…. “Gotta Go! Ha!Ha! Have fun with that!” Says my “Sweet”? Husband as I screeeched from the bathroom! How was I going to take a shower? And….How the heck will I ever survive here… living in the tropics, where critters are abundant (and on steroids)?
I gotta get some, you know…BALLS! I mean, come on! All the women I’ve met who live here and have lived here for several years seem to have adapted and have become “kick ass” chicks when it comes to facing the inevitable critter in their houses. Can you hear the Awe in my voice as I speak of these women? Well that’s because I am just that…In AWE! Just the other night we went to dinner with our new nieghbors who live just below where we will eventually live, I brought up the ‘critter’ situation, hoping that she would tell me that in that small area of Boquete they really don’t have many bugs at all! Hah! Ummm, I know, the word “Delusional” comes to mind! Well, a girl can dream! So my new friend and future neighbor told me that she has become, (out of necessity), very adept at critter murder! She told me that when she first moved here she too despised the presence of all the ginormous (my word) critters she would occasionally find in her house. Now she tells me she has no problem with the “Smoosh” of spiders and has adapted to taking care of any intruders she finds in her house. My Friend “S” has told me of her method of using scissors to disarm the scorpions, she snips off their tail (ewww! Yuck! I know!) and then disposes of the scorpion. And my friend “A” steps on them! I was at her house just the other day and got to see her in action….smash! Gone! Done! No screeching, No calling her husband to take care of it, not one tiny bit of whining at all from my brave friend!
Of course my friend “K” is a lover of all creatures creepy, slimy, scaly, hairy, it doesn’t matter, she see’s only the beauty in any and all creepy crawly critters that she encounters. I understand the appreciation in the beauty of some of them, but when they are in my house, all bets are off! I may see and appreciate all sorts of critters when they’re out in nature where they belong, but if they get in my shower then well….they just gotta go! I really can’t share my shower with a ginormous spider, no way. Sorry “K”. So, the first one I had to take care of on the day that my so called ‘hero’ deserted me in my hour of need, was lucky. I very carefully opened the glass shower door and quickly turned on the water, hoping to drench him and make him curl into a ball, maybe even wash down the drain ,although I seriously doubted he would fit down the drain even though I suspect thats the way he got in. Well, let me tell you, a spider on steroids does not curl up into a little ball easily! Nooooo! I had to run into the kitchen and grab a big mixing bowl and fill it with water from the sink and throw on him in addition to the shower water. It took awhile but he did finally stop fighting the deluge , and then I very carefully put a glass over him, ( seriously, he barely fit under the rim of the glass, even all balled up!) then slipped a manilla folder under him, capturing him under the glass. Then I ran to the door and took him outside, where he belongs. Whew! That was my first attempt at ridding myself of an unwanted critter.
Sadly, I must admit that after that first spider abatement experience, I went downhill in my attempt at being at least somewhat humane (although I’m sure the nearly drowned spider would disagree about the level of “humane” in my water approach) at getting rid of them. That approach just took way too much time and energy, not to mention wasted water. I was inspired by a movie from a long time ago, My Big Fat Greet Wedding, do you remember that movie? Well, the Patriarch of that particular Greek family in the movie just raved about the many uses of Windex. Yes, Windex! Windex is our friend! My friend indeed, but that ginormous spider…he has a much different opinion of Windex, to be sure! I’ll spare you the gory and very inhumane details of my new remedy, suffice it to say, it was much faster than water. ๐ Of course this method requires post- mortem clean up but , A Girls Gotta Do What A Girls Gotta Do! Well, kinda….ya see… Ummmmm, I just kinda scootched him under that little piece of astro-turf over the drain and left his deceased little carcass for my aforementioned hero to dispose of at a later date, hah! Yes, this meant I had to hold off on my shower but like I said, “A Girls Gotta Do What A Girls Gotta Do!” ๐
You may be asking yourself, “Why doesn’t she just step on the spiders and have it done with?” Well, you would be right! Why can’t I just do that? I don’t know!! I just can’t stand the “CRUNCH” that the poor little bugger makes under my shoe! Uggggg! I may have to grow past this phobia eventually, I may not always have a gallon of Windex from Price Mart handy. In my defense, I really only have an issue with creepy crawly critters, spiders and scorpions. As you may remember we’ve had an ongoing bat issue in this house. Now, don’t get me wrong, I had a big problem when the bats were flying around in my bedroom as I was sleeping, but we remedied that part of the bat problem and I can live with it. The exterminator has been here on several occasions and has managed to substantially cut down on the number of bats that were living in the roof. Now , we hear faint bat noises now and then and I see some signs of the fact that they are still in residence, (signs that you really don’t want to hear about), they most definitely no longer get into the house. But my feeling about the bats doesn’t bring about the same creeped out feelings that I have from ginormous spiders. Like I said, as long as they stay out of my space I don’t’ really have any problem with them. But I will admit, I long for the day that I’ve grown a thick skin and become as “kick ass” as so many of my new female friends who live here in Boquete and just step on them and call it a day! Bugs and critters beware! This girl has set her sights on becoming a murderer of unwanted critters! Or at the very least is on the hunt for a really good exterminator… with some serious chemicals!!!! Hah!