I hope this doesn’t bore you too much…I have decided to participate in a writing exercise hosted by Word Press, the hosting site that I use to publish my blog. I Really love writing but I’m not a ‘Writer’, per-say… This post is my first attempt at participating in this four week long writing exercise. Word Press will be emailing a prompt daily for the next four weeks, so please be patient with me as I attempt this daily writing challange. Today is the first of these writing prompts and for the very first one I’m supposed to just write anything at all that comes to mind for twenty minutes! Yikes! So I thought it would be a good way to explain why I may be writing a bit more than I normally do. I’ll try my best to stay within the topic of my blog, but who knows what they may throw at me!
I’ve been publishing this blog for nearly three years. Not exactly sure how long, but I know I began to share my story about a year before we moved from California to Panama and now we’ve been living here in the Highlands of Panama for nearly two years! Wow! Can you believe that! Two years now! Sheesh! I wont be cliche and say “boy how time flies” cuz’ that is so obvious! hah! Well, Its been a really great two years and Scott and I are so looking forward to the future as well as just soaking up each moment of each day.
Why do I write? Well, I began to write in order to help all our friends and family better understand this wild plan to leave our life in California and move to Panama. And now that I’ve learned how much I love writing, I just cant stop! Its so very therapeutic for me. This move has been an incredible transition and writing about it really helps me to process all the changes that I’ve gone through. I’ve had so many different emotions to deal with as I have settled in to living in such a totally different place.
Every thing is so very different. Sights. Sounds. language. people . Friends. food. I could go on and on with a never ending list of how very different my life is now that I’m an expat living in a country other than my country of origin. I often think about what we have done, about the huge leap we have taken in making such a move. Scott (my husband) and I are just so pleased with our decision. But, that doesn’t stop me from missing my friends and my family who still live in California. There’s just no way to prepare for how you’ll feel after leaving all that you know.
A day does not pass that I don’t feel a tiny pang of sadness at missing people. I don’t think I really could ever have known before we moved just how hard it would be to realize that life goes on in Los Altos without me. And that even though my life has changed dramatically, everyone who is still back there is also changing and growing and having experiences that I no longer share with them. Its of course a natural progression to eventually begin to hear less and less from all the people who we left behind. Ugh…this aspect of moving to Panama has proven to be the one thing that tugs at my heart most. At first when we moved here,I was so excited and I just had so much I wanted to share with everyone… but then I sorta felt like I was sounding like I was just bragging about how happy and wonderful and exciting and new my life had become. I remember realizing at one point that when I talked to my friends in Ca. I needed to ask them more about themselves and try not to talk so much about my new Adventure here.
Its all such a process. Moving and creating a new life. But even thought I wanted to begin anew and that I’m loving all of it, I never wanted to lose the closeness to many of those who I once enjoyed talking to and spending time with. I’m slowly learning how to let go of my sadness and to accept that not only is my life here new, but my relationships with people from afar is also in need of a little bit of adjustment. I’m learning that for those who I love and feel connection with, there really is no need to talk or connect as we did when we lived near to each other. Good friendships can pick right up from where they left off….
If you don’t know me, you may be wondering why I am still , after two years of living abroad, processing my long distance relationships…well, thats because ,I’m 49 years old and have only ever lived in one place! yep! I’m one of the few people who didn’t move around a lot. And, We didn’t leave Ca because we were escaping a terrible life. We simply decided that we wanted a change. We wanted to retire early and begin anew and create a life of our own design in an entirely new and different place. We wanted an Adventure!